I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize