Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
