Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
