it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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