My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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