i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize