Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A bitchslap is in order.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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