Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
