Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
