need another drink. this is the easiest way
You work out of a Hotel?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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