You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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