new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize