ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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