Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
