I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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