I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
