wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
