I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
