Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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