Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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