In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
