Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
