Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Two words: blizzard sex
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
