Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize