just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
