She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
