Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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