When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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