Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
