I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
