rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
