um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
