this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
