the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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