dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
