I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
