if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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