my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
