They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
