Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
