no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
