My hand turned me down
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
