this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
