My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
