we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
