There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
and you fell through a lawn chair
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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