i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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