My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
