she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
