I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize