I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
