Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
