a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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