Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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