Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Terrible idea I love it
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
