can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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