pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
