i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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