Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
