I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
