if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
