Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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