Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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