I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
