My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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