Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I puked a lego.
i barfeds in our rink
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
