i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize