Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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