Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize