I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
