somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
