she looked like the before picture.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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