we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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