I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just cropdusted the office
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
