Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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