What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
