I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
