If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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