if i can run in heels then i can drive
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize