Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
