Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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