Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize