She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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