I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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