if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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