I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
