I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
