At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
