I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
