There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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