I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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