yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
