I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
