It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
