I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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