so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
