I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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