Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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