i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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