my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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