So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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