My room smells like vodka and shame
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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