I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
