I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
