Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
