I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
