Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
