in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
