What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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