I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
