Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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