Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
